gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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