He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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