how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
