Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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