I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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