I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
