Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
