Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
