Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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