When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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