You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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