I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
