I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
