No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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