I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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