At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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