Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
