I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
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i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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