Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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