From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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