I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize