Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
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