I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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