I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
