He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
