Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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