oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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