it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize