I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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