I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
