4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
