OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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