i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
