Define "chronic" masturbator.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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