Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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