smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
