nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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