So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
