she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
