So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
