she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
