alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
