you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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