Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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