You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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