Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
