Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i think i just lost a toe
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
