Porn is love you can see.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
