My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
