it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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