so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
