Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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