I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
