I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
