I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
