a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize