And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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